“Safe, in the heat of the moment
A feeling that comes to me when I’m close to you”
In an effort to help myself see things in the world a little more clearly, I have decided to start writing down my thoughts and feelings about certain things in my world.
First and foremost on this list right now is my new relationship with one Katalina Sanders. Now, we’re both coming into this relationship guarded a bit, since both of us have our issues in the past that currently weigh heavy on our minds. Her’s is a little more intense than mine, but it’s not my story to tell. Mine is fairly simple: a break up that left me feeling cold, and a short relationship that left me hurt. I won’t go into the details of either, because I don’t feel it’s fair to the women involved to simply tell one side of the story. Suffice to say, both have left me feeling pretty bad about myself.
That was the case, until the first time I saw Katalina. I saw that she was beautiful, strong, and pretty sure of herself. Our initial contact was through S.H.I.E.L.D., the organization I currently sling arrows for, and she’s trying to join. When Fury told me about a simple surveillance mission, I had no idea that my life would change forever.
Watching her the first few days, I felt like I was watching something more. More than a potential agent, more than a new recruit. I felt as if I were watching my future. When I decided to interact with her (a pretty clear violation of protocol), my heart was taken. I learned why Fury wanted me specifically to watch over her: we both have pretty similar back stories.
Getting to know her over a couple of days was the best time I’ve had since I became an Avenger. She was smart, sure of herself, and dedicated. I knew then and there that my life was never going to be the same. We initially decided to be friends, with her helping me see things in the world that I had forgotten or missed, and me helping her get over a painful part of her past, something I had to do myself years ago.
Then, one night, I received a text, asking me to come to her place. Never one to pass up a chance to talk directly with a beautiful lady, I jumped at the opportunity. That was when she laid it on me: she’d like to be more than friends, but take everything slow. I was more than happy to oblige that, because the I had jumped into my previous relationship unguarded, and had been hurt pretty deep.
Now, the more we interact, the more enamored I become. I feel good. I feel loved. I feel…safe.
“Safe, at the speed of atonement
A feeling that runs so deep
That it scares me, too.”